Marriage is Walking with God, Together

Yesterday morning, sitting in the rocker in my bedroom, sitting and talking to my spouse, facing North East;

Yet another discussion of what should be done, or what I should do in this marriage.  I said that our eyes should be on God, together, and that we are both like separate “universes”—that the unifying link to make us “one” is God’s Love (something tiny like the Quark?) that runs through us and all our “planets and space (cells?), and that’s why the scripture; “God is in all things, under, through, above, below” perhaps might read; God’s love, power and influence.  However, some universes are full of black holes and WON’T receive the life powers of God’s love.

My spouse likes the thought of needing to walk on One Road, together---Where I think what he thinks, says what he says, feels what he feels…essentially losing my own thoughts and personality….which I find suffocating!  I find “his” road cramped.  Fearful there of being knocked off the path—because The Path is made for only two—And I would prefer that second person to Be Jesus the Christ!  No matter what!  And sometimes, when it gets really narrow, I know He can carry me over those extremely narrow passages.

This reminds me of the inner tube dream that I had around this same time; both my husband and I were on a raging river, with me clinging to his black inner tube.  He wasn't really helping me stay on and I started to slip off.  Then a white inner tube appeared, with colors all over it.  That was my inner tube.  I was safe on my own inner tube!  We were both on the same river together; we just needed our own craft.  And even when the river split, we were still headed to the same destination; the ocean.

June 29, 1997

However, I am very thankful that we are BOTH moving forward. (?)  Thursday, in the morning, I got up around 5:30, and we both went for a walk, and then around 6:30 we gathered up laundry in several black trash bags and headed to the laundry mat in town.  We did 15 loads together; quite a team!  It was fun.  Then we went to breakfast.  There, across from me at the cheap Pancake House tables, he told me of how he now understood that he’d hurt me in the past, but truly didn't know it—That he hadn't been working hard to be a companion, or didn't  really know love and about loving me.  That I understood a Celestial marriage when I came into the marriage, and that he didn't  and didn't care to, and how that must have hurt.  Then he told me of his new understanding of knitting our hearts together in love, and goals or ideas he has about being a Celestial unit.  And that this is why we must have had to go through such trials because we wanted something highest in our hearts so they must be purged more.  I started quietly crying with joy.  Knowing it had taken 16 years of love and forgiveness over and over, to hear this from him—because that’s all the Lord would tell me when I would cry to God; “Just love him, forgive him.”, was always the answer from Providence. Truly that was a moment to treasure.  Then hand in hand, we went to the bakery and got some sweet bread for our new neighbors; they have seven children.